If suddenly
You forget me
Do not look for me,
For I shall already have forgotten you.

“But how can someone look for you if the person has already forgotten you?” my friend asked. And I immediately felt insanely superior.

And this is how g-talk handles have come to be my Simone de Beauvoir and Karan Johar – statements all and feel-good too!

Is happy! rarely elicits a response. Unless it’s my ex-boss P, who will want to know why and how this happened. You’re happy? But how? Kaise?

Try some Alanis Morisette and everyone is all agog. What happened? Who’s this for? (As if it can’t be just for you.) Are you okay? (Of course not!) And there’s P, of course. But why? Tell me all dear.

Back in Peoria, when I was visited by existential angst – big time – I sported Needs a new job! followed by Needs a new job. Desperately. People back home laughed (hollow laugh, I bet) and P asked: but why?

There are handles. And then there are handles.
Here’s what.

There are handles that tell the other person where you are, what you are doing: Chillin in Accra (Shite! You lucky bitch!), Fuel bombed at Crobar and they think they can ask you out for a date.

Amy Winehouse and Pablo Neruda – you are obviously depressed out of your wits, ready to kill yourself, who’s the bastard who hurt you dear… Aaargh! Do these people really think I’m unable to appreciate good lines?

And good old Macavity is always ignored. There’s P, though. Who sniggers at monster of depravity. S-i-g-h!

And then there’s bathos. For over two weeks I sported these “deep” lines for someone who, I later discovered, had blocked me on g-talk. Duh! He’s on again though, with “frequently asked questions” about the new ones. Heh heh heh!

But here’s the last straw. Someone’s witnessing this great tableau being played out in g-talk world — my g-talk handles and Mr X’s. “Different pieces, tantalizingly belonging to each other, my dear” she says. “God help”, I say. “But I can see” she insists. No points for guessing who she is.